The above title is a lyric from a popular song. I remember listening to this quirky song (What’s My Age Again   By Blink-182) when I was like…wow, I guess 12 or 13 (back when MTV actually played music videos) thinking that it’d be a pretty long time before I could actually relate, but well, here I am, about 10 years later…23 years old.

Through signing on facebook occasionally, I notice the “party of the weekend” is forever plastered in dozens of photo albums from the same groups of people that post these types of photos every week. Every week it’s the same thing, total and absolute intoxication for the entire world to see and I could careless because broadcasting your drunken weekend to the world hardly impresses me.

But there was a time not too long ago, where I found myself at the “hottest” party every Friday and Saturday, drinking myself into near comas with my favorite group of friends. There are hundreds of facebook photos floating around somewhere, with our koolaide smiles and glazed over eyes. No, nobody ever died, it was all in good fun and something for us to do (because we were probably too stupid to crack open a book).

Now that I’m older, I have bills to pay. I have responsibilities, a job and graduate school to worry about. Perhaps I’ve gotten a bit boring and predictable, but my priorities definitely have shifted and I am solely responsible for myself and my actions. My family can no longer be blamed for my epic failures as a person. No longer am I “anonymous” in this town, but now my name serves a purpose. I’m a “professional” now. No longer do I desire to go to these types of “freshman” parties. I went to one or two last semester, mainly to DD for my roommates, (who are still in their undergrad), but the parties are not the same to me anymore. I actually found myself feeling out of place, even though a good portion of the people there, were the same people throwing these parties when I was just 19. ..They’ve got to be pushing 25 and 26 by now.

A funny thing happens when you get older. Your priorities shift and change for the better. I’ve been “legal” for sometime now, and drinking until I can’t feel hasn’t crossed my mind in ages and why should it? I can legally drink in public and not get in trouble, there’s no need to “over do it”. I can take my time and not have to worry about cops (unless of course I decide to drive).  When I was 19 that was part of the adventure. Drinking openly in public, knowing goodness well I had no business doing so. It was something I never thought about doing back home (because I actually respected my parents and our home and so did my friends I grew up with), and something that only happened here, and occasionally at friend’s apartments in other college towns when we’d come to visit.  It’s flat out ridiculous to think we’d drive for hours just to crash at a friend’s place to drown ourselves in alcohol and fast food all weekend. One of my best friend’s at the time (my current roommate) and I would base our lives around these weekends. Looking back on it, we did some extremely outrageous things (trespassing onto the football stadium, urinating off of a bridge, jumping fences to run from the cops, stumbling around in the night holding each other up because we were to drunk to go at it alone), but always made sure that one of us stayed sober, in case one of us stopped breathing…

It’s not just my mentality about drinking that has changed, but my overall mind-set as well.  I’ve grown-up. I find myself losing interest in the people that I once hung around day in and day out for months on end, because they have yet to grow-up. We were inseparable. They just don’t excite me as they once did. They seem dead to me now, like lifeless skeletons in my past, only a distant memory through goofy photos or facebook messages. I hardly speak to these people, partly by choice, and partly by circumstance. I am removed from their world as they are from mine. We had good times (and some not so great times), but those times were in the past. These now 2-D people have been replaced by more sophisticated and intelligent people in my major and program, or lifelong friends from high school, who have grown up with me through it all. No, I don’t hate them, we just have nothing in common these days and I’ve grown bored with yesterday. I’ve surrounded myself by graduate students/alumni mainly because they can relate to me at this point in my life. They know how it feels to be an adult and have twenty-million things going on in your life on a daily basis. They know how it feels to have real world stresses, anxieties and concerns (outside of getting drunk). My roommate can no longer relate to me because he is in a different stage in his life, therefore we really have nothing to talk about these days besides the weather. He doesn’t get my life (yet), and I get his, I’m just moving forward.  Our lives are returning to their parallel states, as they did before we met in college. It’s funny to think of all the stages our friendship went through, to end up right where we began. Everything changes when you walk across that stage, get a job, and mommy and daddy stop paying for everything. It wakes you up and reality places a choke hold on you. It breaks you. He’ll find that out sooner or later. Hopefully he’s prepared, because it aint gonna be pretty. I warned him.

I’ve also gotten a better grasp on what really matters to me and what doesn’t. What upsets me and what doesn’t, who I can trust and who I can’t and I have to say that I’m getting fairly good at knowing these things from the start.

 I’m real. I’ve never believed in being fake in social situations. There’s no need for me to apologize to anyone for who I am and what I’ve come to be. It’s not worth it. If you can’t even be real to other people (such as your friends), how are you going to be real to yourself? As mean as it sounds, I’m generally up front about how I feel about certain situations and people. There’s no need to hide that. If I’m open enough to feel that, there’s probably a good enough reason why. It’s not that I go around hating people on purpose; it really does take a lot to get me to that point. I like to live by the motto, “everyone is innocent until proven guilty.” Some people prove that statement to be real from the get go, others epically lose my trust upon introduction.

I’m learning to be more selfish. In the past, I’ve done everything for everybody that I possibly could, only making myself very unhappy. I’ve learned that as the years fly by, some people are inconsolable and will never be happy regardless of what you do for them. Some people in my life actually were selfish enough not to care that they were straining my emotions and continued to do so anyway. From now on, I have to focus on making myself happy too. I have to do things for me, as well as others in my life. I have to keep in mind that I matter as well.

I’m learning that laughing everyday does ease the pain. No matter how stressed out I get, I have to make time to laugh and smile. I also have to make time to cry. Crying in my mind is not necessarily a sign of weakness, but a sign of letting go of pent up emotion.  It’s liberating in a weird way. I rarely have the urge to physically cry and maybe that’s my been my problem all along.

Hopefully by this time next year, I’ll look back on this and laugh at how naive I was at 23, because now at 23, I’m looking back on 22, 21, 20, 19 and so on, wondering how I made it through the ridiculous string of bullshit that I did.

1. I don’t really like people in general as much as I put on.
2. I hate my job more for its lack of purpose than I do for its politics and drama
3. I really hate Greenville and feel like I’ve regressed 10 years since living here
4. I’m afraid of driving extremely long distances alone
5. I’m afraid to move too far away from “home” for lack of a support system
6. I’m just going through the motions in graduate school because I feel like I need the degree, but I’m not necessarily passionate about working on it.
7. I get cold and hot flashes and I’m only 22
8. I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing worth while thus far in life. Everything I’ve done was “expected”
9. I never step too far out of my comfort zone for fear of failure
10. I’m SCARED to death of failing at anything
11. Sometimes really bad thunder storms scare me…if I’m alone
12. I find I like being alone more than I like being around large groups of people
13. I often make things more difficult than they should be because I’m stubborn
14. I try to eat as healthy as I can, but sometimes it frustrates me to even try
15. I often use food and alcohol as an emotional pain relief
16. I confide more in this blog than I do to actual people because I don’t think people really care to listen
17. I don’t really trust anyone 100%, not even my parents
18. I don’t really have one “best friend” but more like a close circle of friends where no one outshines the other one….two in particular I can always count on to be there when I need them most.
19. I’m judgmental at times, but so is everyone else, even if they don’t admit it.
20. I really don’t have a “plan” after I graduate.
21. Yes, I like rock music
22. I’m scared to be alone for too long
23. I’m hurt behind the fact that I never see my roommate anymore.
24. I’m more so angry at him for leaving because we have to get another roommate to replace him, not for the reason that he left. What he does with his life isn’t any of my business anyway.
25. I don’t feel smart….or as smart as people make me out to be
26. I don’t really believe people when they give me compliments
27. I sometimes feel obligated to do things for people I can’t stand just to get things out of them that I want
28.  I can be just as mean as I am nice, I just don’t openly show that side of myself as often
29. I’m extremely paranoid
30. I think I liked him for all of the wrong reasons
31. I seriously doubt my boss is anywhere near as busy as she claims.
32. I believe in GOD and the bible, but I don’t think of myself as ”religious”
33. I get jealous over stupid shit, but I try to hide it.
34. I really only lie about how i’m feeling to make certain situations not look so bad
35. I wish my mom wouldn’t build a shrine to me in her house or at her job
36. I hate reunions these days because I have nothing new to talk about
37. Although I’ve casually dated here and there in the past two years I really don’t think I have the sanity or tolerance for any sort of legitimate relationship
38. I hate bananas, but buy them with hopes of hiding them in other foods to get my iron up.
39. I have an “artistic” side, but rarely show it for fear of rejection
40. I don’t really think my boss fired my coworker because of budget cut backs
41. I’m shy only because I like to get a feel for people before revealing any part of myself to them
42. I don’t tend to shed light on my “secrets” even when people ask
43. I don’t like talking to my coworkers about my personal life because I feel like their judging me.
44. Every club I’ve been in, in college has been an obligation from a friend who wants to start it or maintain it.
45. I don’t miss college band nearly as much as I miss high school band
46. I never really liked that many people in college band aside from my group of friends
47. I think the vast majority of people who have lived in this town for a while are closet racists.
48. I think Obama will be a good president, but will be extremely underrated because of the economy and bitter McCain supporters
49. I sleep with a stuffed animal as a security blanket
50. I own a betta fish because I wanted to get a cat, but my apartment doesn’t allow furry animals
51. I never liked her because I believe she’s a manipulative person
52. I’m invited to two weddings this spring/summer and I really am less than thrilled to go because it just reminds me of how old I’m getting and how I’m no where close to getting married
53. I forced myself to befriend new people this year because my group of friends from last year split up.
54. I want to exercise more, but I’m afraid of being judged.
55. I really don’t like eating out, it just seems food always has to be involved for people to want to get together these days whenever there’s a gathering
56. I’m an only child and aside from attention my parents never bought me things that weren’t necessities. They just spoiled me with attention.
57. I have a feeling I might be legitimately sick, but I’m too lazy/afraid to go to the doctor
58. I’ve never had the urge to do drugs regardless of how great the high is
59. I think overly religious people are confused
60. I like having deep conversations, but not necessarily about myself
61. I feel like my lack of enthusiasm diminishes daily
62. I want to be a writer, but I don’t think any of my material is good enough to be published
63. I really only picked my Master’s program because of Joseph…I’m no where near as excited about it as he is/was.
64. I really don’t think my friends from different groups like each other as much as they put on
65. I rarely have nights where I sleep without waking up
66. I’m always tired
67. I sometimes wonder if I really make my parents proud
68. If you haven’t noticed from reading some of these, I’m not as happy as I need to be.
69. I regret a lot of things in my past
70. I’m not a confident public speaker
71. I’m an English major and I misspell, comma splice, dangle modifiers, write fragments and run-on sentences daily. I didn’t do well in grammar because I never went to class.
72. “text message” lingo through email or every day conversations annoy me–particularly from educated people.
73. I sometimes text message people because I don’t care to have a legitimate conversation with them
74. IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF when I take the time to write/call/text someone and they don’t acknowledge it.
75. I like listening to the rain, it soothes me
76. I feel like a put a lot into friendships and don’t always receive the same effort back in return (from some friends).
77. I think it is possible to really love someone without it being sexual.
78. I think my coworkers expectations of me are a little too high most of the time
79. I care more about times and deadlines than I do about quality and that’s bad
80. I make an effort to be on time to everything, unless it’s out of my control
81. I sometimes wish I could revert back to childhood, then maybe I’d appreciate how easy and stress-free life was back then
82. I really think being in this part of NC is killing my spirit
83. I believe everything happens for a reason and things are pre-determined
84. I’m not as innocent and pure as everyone may think
85. I swear like a sailor because I have a hard time expressing my frustrations in a respectable manner
86. I’ve been angry enough to punch a wall more times than I’m willing to admit, but I’ve yet to actually go forth with it yet
87. There has been a guy that I wouldn’t mind busting the windows out his car…
88. I understand a lot of things in life, but that doesn’t mean I accept it or believe in it
89. I’m often times misquoted and I don’t even put forth an effort to fix it
90. I don’t think I was any happier last year this time than I am now
91. I like befriending guys more than girls because their easier to talk to and don’t initially judge you as much
92. I don’t smile a lot because I always have about a million thoughts running through my head at a time
93. I’m honestly bored with my life right now
94. I like people like Dean because I see a lot of myself in him. He reminds me how to make lemonade out of lemons–in relation to life. He also gives me courage to write again.
95. I try not to write too many personal events concerning other people on my blog, but some days I could give a shit less and write it anyway
96. I think that entire situation messed up our friendship for life and I don’t care enough to fix it anymore.
97. I dread waking up every morning that I’m in Greenville
98. Yes, I think I lusted after him for the idea of it and not the substance or quality.
99. I don’t try nearly as hard as I could in school…I never have…and probably never will.
100. I find myself not giving a shit a lot even in times where I really should
101. I hate running into people that I know in stores because then I feel obligated to speak to them
102. ICU units scare me
103. I can’t stand BET and how ignorant it makes black people look
104. I spent way too much money on people for Christmas this year
105. It was good seeing my dad’s family, but their really dysfunctional and I can see why he is the way he is.
106. I often put on a front to appear more likeable than I really would be otherwise
107. I look forward to his emails everyday because they make me smile
108. I hate talking on the phone because I never know what to say
109. People who can’t think for themselves aggravate the hell out of me
110. People who can’t do things for themselves (that are capable of doing things for themselves) aggravate the hell out of me.
111. I rarely put myself out there because I don’t want to be taken advantage of
112. I make a lot of sacrifices/adjustments for those I care about
113. I’m not really a fan of facebook, but in some cases it seems to be the only way to get through to people
114. I sometimes get revenge by guilt tripping people
115. I rarely remember any of my dreams
116. I live more in my own head than I do in reality
117. The most hurtful thing you can do to me is not to show appreciation for something I’ve done for you because chances are I put a lot of effort into it
118. I’m more verbal through email than I am in person…just ask Joseph
119. I usually don’t bring things to people’s attention that bother me until I’m at my breaking point as far as patience.
120. I eliminated about 10 of these because they were too specfic to certain aspects or people in my life.

Congrats to Obama for becoming the first black president elect of America! Last night was historical & I’m glad I got to witness it!

Now Go Vote! (This clip comes from Chocolate News–a show on comedy central)

I apologize about the lack of blogging up here, but elements in my academic, personal and professional life have hindered me from really sitting down and putting pen to paper, or in my case fingers to key board.

Here’s an entry I posted on my personal blog. I typically write about more personal everyday occurrences in that blog and felt this entry was “deep enough” to have a home here as well.

***

Taken from my personal blog:

I slept fairly shitty last night, for an assortment of reasons. Number one though, was probably that discolored chicken sandwich lodged in my stomach I had while at Christine’s Birthday Dinner last night.

The birthday dinner was great, I don’t see many of my “band friends” these days, since I work and go to graduate school full time, Hell, I even saw my roommate for like 2 hours. That’s the longest length of time that I’ve seen him in ages.

Aside from this week being the typically hectic busy week at work and school, I think the strain of some events in my personal life are starting to affect me to the point where all I want to do is clam up and disclose no additional information to anyone about the comings and goings of my life. I get like this a lot when I feel vulnerable. I never like to appear weak and feeble (emotionally), so I just tuck it away in hopes that no one will notice. I guess Damian said it best once, that he feels like, “everyone comes to me with their problems, but no one has time to listen to mine.”

I feel like I spread myself extremely thin a lot of the time to please certain people in my life, and lately it’s gotten to the point where I’m like a rubberband banding together a stack of papers to high, liable to pop at any moment, scattering the assortment of papers everywhere. Just making an overall unorganized mess.

It’s those same people with their consistent issues that drain on you day in and day out, and the one day or week you’re feeling pretty low, they don’t “have time” or don’t care to listen to you…when you’ve inconvenienced yourself and others in your life to “be there for them” when they needed you all those times. It just goes to show you how some people really are.

A friend of mine also brought up an interesting topic to ponder on last night. He said and I paraphrase, “Being friends is hard.”

And it made me think for a second.

Is being friends really hard?

His response to a text message I sent him sent me into an utter spaz to survey of all of my friendships. I thought about every person I’ve befriend.

I have friendships that are flawless. We’ve gotten along perfectly, smooth sailing all the way, no problems.

And then I have friendships with bumpy roads. These are the friendships where we don’t always see eye to eye on everything. These are also the friendships that have made me stronger, quicker on my feet, and more observant and understanding towards other people. Ironically enough, until attending college/graduate school, I’ve never really had to deal with those “bumpy roads” in friendships. I guess all of my friends in high school were generally easy going people, with similar up-bringings, so we automatically understood each other better with little effort from either side.

And even my friends that I don’t always see eye to eye on with everything are just as important to me as my friends I see eye to eye on everything with. Matter of fact I like befriending people who are completely different from me. It makes me feel like I’m a better person for having “variety in my diet” so to speak. I could get all philosophical and go into specs, but you get the point I’m sure.

Hopefully up to this point, I haven’t offended anyone, if I have, I apologize, but these are just thoughts floating around in my mind. Feel free to stop reading here.

So I thought, and thought and thought about his statement. Thinking to myself, “Should being friends really be that hard?”

And I came up with two answers to that complex statement (not sure if he meant it to be this complex, but it could take on more than one meaning).

1. Friendships should not be something that drains you dry of all available emotion. The people that generally distress me to that point are also the people I vaguely consider associates (example, my co-workers) and tend to shy away from unless otherwise obligated to be around them. I generally don’t care to make an effort to hold hands and sing coom-ba-ya, I just tolerate them enough to get through the work day and go about my business. I don’t invest any real time into them.

Like any relationship (family orientated, romantic, or otherwise) though, it is something that takes effort, but shouldn’t be anything that you are straining to do or entirely impossible to handle. I like to think that the more “walls” you knock down, the easier it is to understand each other.

1. My second answer to this is yes: by “hard” it takes some effort. You can’t just sit around frozen and completely detached from the world and expect someone to forcefully “get to know you”. Or “understand you” until you give them some substance and reveal yourself to them on who you really are as a person. It just doesn’t work that way. I doubt anyone wants to put that much effort to anyone that frozen. I’m not saying the way I approach friendships is “the right way,” but I generally like to consider everyone innocent until proven guilty, in other words I don’t like to make assumptions about my friends until they’ve otherwise cleared them up. It can also be “hard” in the sense that you have to actually make efforts to keep in touch (go figure, eh). I have friends from high school that attend college hundreds of miles away in other states, and although I don’t talk to them regularly (because both of us are busy with our lives), we still make an effort to meet up over holidays (when we’re both in our home town) or exchange emails and phone calls from time to time just to say “hello”. No, it’s not “easy”, but it’s worth it because we’re friends. I still consider these people some of my closest friends. I have friends that live minutes from me right here in Greenville that I see less than my friends in other states (^see paragraph 2 from above). And outside elements (outside of everyone’s control) may have contributed to that.

So to sum everything up, yes, a friendship is not a “piece of cake” or a “walk in the park” (geez, I need to stop using these catch phrases), it is something that takes effort from both parties involved. And the effort should be mutual, not one sided, causing one person to feel strained, or pulled or neglected. No one likes to feel neglected. And although it takes effort, it shouldn’t be something painfully forced, or obligated, because otherwise, what’s the point in investing time into someone that won’t invest time into you? You’d be better off cutting your losses and saving your energy for another friend.

Clearly I have a lot to learn about myself and how I handle these types of situations. Perhaps I read entirely too much into his statement, but it just completely caught me off guard because I’ve never heard that before. He probably meant nothing by it, really, but he brought up a good point for me to ponder on. Hopefully this friend of mine doesn’t consider our friendship to be, “a strain”, because I really am trying to better friend to him and all of my other friends in general. Regardless of our differences, I really do see him as a good friend and I hope he sees me in the same light.

Well, if you read all of that AND understood it AND didn’t get too offended, 2 cookies for you! Whew, I’m glad I got that complicatedness off of my chest. Now I can exhale and look forward to the weekend! 2.5 days of pure ridiculousness with my best friends and after the week I’ve had, I surly do need a “mini-vacation” from my day-to-day life.

Here’s to good friendships , may they be ever lasting.

The Jonas Brothers

If you were to ask me what I thought of the Jonas Brothers about 6 months ago, I would have said, “who? Are they those tight-pants wearing disney stars?” but oh what a few months will do to a person’s already broken spirit.

I made the mistake of getting hooked on their single, “Burnin’ up” (no thanks to a dear friend of mine who suggested it) and ever since, I can’t help but to find myself youtubing the night away to listen to more songs of theirs, and I really hate to admit it, but their talented andgenerally likable too! Go figure.

Too bad I grew up in the backstreet boy/98 degrees/nsync generation, otherwise I might just be a bit more obsessed with those dark haired boys. It’s just not socially acceptable for a 22-year old to openly admit to being a fan of the jonas brothers….so until it is, I’ll just youtube away at night, and jam away in my car with the windows closed by day.

“What are you listening to? Something lame I know, you have no taste in music…” -identity withheld.

That may be true, but I have found some decent music lately, despite my continued strike against the radio stations here. I’m sorry, but I refuse to listen to Lil Wayne’s 5 hit singles on heavy rotation all day. I’d much rather shit a brick than hear anything else about “rainin’ on them hoes,” “da cater”, and my personal favoriate, “cuz bitch, I’m the bomb like TICK, TICK.” (So ok I secretly love that line).

So here are my 10 artists that you probably don’t have on repeat. They aren’t in any particular order, no more so than the order of the tracks on my MP3 CD in my jetta. To be honest, I really had like six…but no one makes a “SIX artists you probably don’t have on repeat” list, that’s just odd. So without further aude’…here is my list.

 Jesse McCartney. I must give mucho props to this former Disney Channel Star, I didn’t think he had it in him to actually put out a half way decent album. I mean he looks decent, but his music was starting to not really fit him as a person. Who told him he could go and get all grown and sexy…talking about Sexin some girl and “walkin it out”. (sorry this isn’t a really recent photo of the former pop star). I’m probably a little late getting on the Departure train, but he’s got some good material up there. It’s certainly worth a listen. He kind of sounds like a combination of Chris Brown and Robin Thicke. Some namely songs to listen for are: “It’s over”, “leavin”, “Relapse”, “How do you sleep?” Ohhh and he has a badass rendition of T-Pain’s “Buy u a drank” on youtube, it’s certainly worth your three minutes.

 Eric Benet…whenever I listen to him it reminds me of my parents, because all they do is listen to mellow R&B, but Benet’s music is timeless. He’s a talent that many often overlook. He has a new song out called, “You’re the only one”. It’s very smooth. A great song to drive to. Also to go to bed to, much less other things I won’t mention on such a publically available blog space.

 Shwayze. I’ll be honest. I didn’t take them too seriously, particularly after seeing their mtv reality show….forgive me for not taking the time to look up the name, but I didn’t find it important enough to watch more than 10 minutes. Aside from their antics, they’ve got a good groove going with their hits, “Corona & Lime” and “Buzzin.” They sound very summer/beach like. I listen to their music and imagine a chill day at the pool or beach, with no worries in the world (almost too chill to the point of being stoned). Its kind of slow rap over bluesy guitar cords. Quite unique. They almost remind me a mellowed out version of Gym Class Heroes.

 New Kids on the block…they were singing before I was conceived. So I missed their prehistoric boyband craze…until recently. Now I will admit I like their hit, “The Right Stuff”,  it just bleeds cheap 80s pop culture. Anyway, through total accident, I stumbled across NKOTB’s newest single, “single” from their New Album. It has an R&B feel to it, thanks in part to Ne-Yo, who is featured on the song. Matter of fact, it might as well be a Ne-Yo song featuring NKOTB. Mucho props goes out to the kids for putting out an R&B based track that I’m not afraid to blast through my sound system.

 The Jonas Brothers….Ah, I jumped on the J-Brother train real late. Matter of fact, I didn’t even know who they were until just shy of a month ago. I didn’t even know their names…but alas, thanks to wikipedia, I am now able to know that they go by (from left to right) Nick, Joe and Kevin…Booyah and they range in age from 15 to 20? Eh, enough ramble blurbs about them, I’m so ashamed to admit that I’m 22 and I like listening to their catchy pop tunes. They kind of remind me of a polished “manlier” version of the Hanson trio. It just puts me in a good mood. My personal favorites from their latest CD are, “Hold On”, “When you look me in the eyes” (a pop ballad), and “Burnin’ up”. I’m sorry but their music is catchy as hell and you’ll find yourself humming it all day. My favorite Jonas brother you ask? Why Joe’s my favorite! I dunno…Nick’s a little overrated to me and well, Kevin seems a little absent out of the media. Yeah, if I were a 14 year girl, I’d have Joe Jonas slapped all over my walls

 Leona Lewis. I had mixed feelings about her at first. I was a little slow to catch onto “Bleeding Love” and once I half way liked the song, I had the pleasure of listening to my suitemates (all of which were music majors) sing the song 30 times a night. Needless to say I haven’t listened to “Bleeding Love” since march. Anyway Leona reminds me of a remodeled Mariah, like back when Mariah was truly pop quality and not so focused on being mainstream R&B. My favorite songs of hers are, “Better in Time” and “I’m you”. I haven’t really gotten into any of her upbeat songs, although I suppose those would be interesting as well. She has wide range in her voice, I’m sure she’ll go far in life.

 Ne-Yo…that suave guy. I’ve been a Ne-Yo fan since “So Sick”. The producer/song-writer/singer has got some major talent. A lot of his lyrics are fairly deep as well. Now I already mentioned his duo with NKOTB a few paragraphs above, but aside from that song, I’d have to say that, “Miss Independent” and “Trouble” are great ones. His new album Year of the Gentlemanis highly polished. I can tell he spent tons of time with every track to make it nothing more than the best. I suppose I like both of these tracks because their innovative. Every time music gets boring, Ne-Yo goes and wakes us up with his soulful sounds. I’m sure he’s new CD will have no trouble hitting platinum status.

Danity Kane

 Danity Kane. Now, I hated Making the bands 1-4…and 5 if there is a 5, I don’t know, I rarely watch mtv these days. All I know is that Diddy annoys me, so in terms so should Danity Kane, but despite my love hate relationship with mtv and the show, Danity Kane shockingly puts out good, “getting ready to go to the club” songs. Every time I hear any of their songs, it makes me want to dance, meet up with my girls and hit the hot spot in town…which in my town wouldn’t be many places. “Damaged” and “Bad Girl” both have great beats to them…probably because they are diddy inspired. Maybe they’ll keep pushing out good hits so Diddy won’t have a reason to have a making the band 6. Unless he wants to dominate the free world with his dictatorship presence.

Robin Thicke

Robin Thicke. He makes me realize that there is no such thing as “blue-eyed soul”. Soul is soul regardless of who is singing it. Matter of fact I believe Mr. Thicke is highly under-rated.  He’s right up there with Ne-Yo and Eric Benet in my books. His music is very soothing and modern, like a breath of fresh air. Check out his latest single, “Magic”. Very catchy, a very nice feel-good type of song.  

Jennifer Lewis

 Last but not least, let’s not forget about Mrs. Hudson (yes I know it says “lewis” up there but I’m not editing that–it’d take too long). Jennifer Hudson. Aside from her extraordinary acting career (loved her in Sex in the City), she’s a brilliant singer. Recently, while screwing around with my FM radio settings, I stumbled across her hit, “Spotlight” to which I asked my mother, “wow, who in the world sings that?” And to my surprise it was Jennifer Hudson. I suppose I keep associating her with songs that have already been done like all of those songs in “Dream Girls” and all of those Whitney Houston classics…not that they weren’t good, they just were original. This song is so hers though. I can see this one going done in history.

Well, that’s been what’s been on repeat in my car. Like I said, I don’t listen to the radio much these days. I just blindly rely off of friends, youtube, and billboard.com. If I had to pick one group or artist on this list that I’ve had on repeat the most, I’d have to go with J Mac for sure. Home slice did his thing on his new CD. Hell, I’d probably buy it if I hadn’t stopped doing that sort of mindless thing ages ago. It’s all about itunes…so get to ituning….Behold, J Mac.

 

In between my fumbles of getting ready for bed last night, I caught the tail end of a joke from a comedian on the popular t.v. show Comic View (on B.E.T). And the butt of the comic’s punch line was this:

You can say whatever you want in a text message, as long as you put “lol” or a smiley face at the end of it….Your baby’s ugly…lol….I can’t stand you, your breath stinks, smiley face with the wink….

This grabbed my attention because it’s so true! In any form of technical communication, it can be hard to really tell if a person is joking around or not. Particularly if you cannot read through their dry sarcastic nature (ahem)—or maybe their just generally a mean spirited person, and only choose to show you that side through a text message, allowing you to assume that they are joking, when in terms they really don’t like you (yeesh, let’s hope not!). I’ll tell you this, if I don’t like you, I doubt I’ll waste the time or energy to respond to your dangling text message. In fact I assume if I didn’t like you, you would text message me in the first place. I won’t even go into the specs of how generally awful my grammar is when sending text messages. Here I am, an English major working on a M.A. and I hardly even use punctuation, full words or appropriate abbreviations.

Nah, it can’t be that deep. I’ll tell you this, text messaging to me is my lazy way of getting answers and killing idle time. Gone are the days of drawn out phone conversations, face to face interaction, lengthy emails, even Aim conversations to me are becoming a bit obsolete as of late. I just don’t have time to waste my life sitting in front of a computer or having a phone attached to my head, particularly when I just need an answer. Although, I will occasionally shoot out emails to get a point across (like at work, when cell phone usage is a little unprofessional).

Example: Me: What time are you done with class?

                    Friend: Noon. You wanna grab lunch?

                    Me: Sure, meet you at the dinning hall.

Simple A & B exchange which generally takes all of a few short minutes as opposed to forcing out an awkward (indecisive and distractive) phone conversation in which one of you are generally being interrupted from something more important…namely sleep…or I my case work.

This sounds selfish, but I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. And I’m not anti-phone conversation or email, there’s just a time and place. And well, certain people hold the special powers of allowing me to actually care how their day went, while 50% the people in my life do not, at least not on a daily basis.

Like for instance my parents…they call me daily and ask me the same questions, but I know it is because they love me. How was your day? What did you do?They’ve been asking me these same two questions everyday since I started pre-school. I’ve learned to accept that they are probably going to continue this ritual until both of them become senile or just stop generally caring about my lackluster life. Either or, we’ve got a good 20 more years to go…

Now I know I’m skipping around here, but I’d like to point out that I’m quicker to respond to an email or text message than I am a voicemail or a hand written letter. Something about both forms of communication just seem a little obsolete to me. And well, I’m lazy. I generally hate talking on the phone with anyone. There’s always this gaping hole of awkwardness….and one person always seems to feel that they are interrupting the other one’s life. Although on the flip side, if a good friend or family member calls, I’ll generally talk to them, even if I’m not in the mood or I’m slightly tied up. I’m horrible about returning calls though, I might as well not even have voicemail, because I often forget to check it. Even with the little envelop icon flashing at me (it’s been up there for a good week). Let’s not even get into dropping calls on the network—that’s an entirely different song and dance. Perhaps I should seek out therapy for this, I’m sure it’s not normal. It’s best to just call back if it’s that important. I apologize for my forgetfulness…I’m a little absent-minded at times.

So in short, I prefer text messaging for the quick simple answers in life. Like, where are we going to eat? Where do I meet you? What time do you get off of work? If I have something more substantial or serious to say, I’d generally leave that for face to face interaction, because it’s hard to generally tell someone’s true mood/feelings through a computer screen.

So do I really mean everything I say through a text message? Do I just say mean and surly things neatly wrapped up with smiley faces or an “lol’s” for shits and giggles? Well, you’d have to be the judge of that, for I refuse to share those details on a blog post .

Happy texting…;)

I’m not traditionally political, but something about this [2008] election has really pulled me in and made me realize that regardless of who you plan on voting for, voting is indeed very important. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve exercised my right to vote since the tender age of 18, but never had I paid so much attention to the “issues” as I have recently. I guess I didn’t believe it really mattered. To me you were either Republican or Democratic, but it’s so much more than just having an affiliation with a party. It’s about what change you want for the country.

 Below is Michelle Obama’s DNC speech held last night.

Now, I almost went to sleep last night and completely wrote off the entire hubbub of a convention. I assumed it would bore me to tears, and I’d make better use of my time watching the backs of my eye lids. Also, already being an Obama supporter, I didn’t see the point in watching it to become (further) persuaded. But this speech was well worth my lack of sleep (and anyone who knows me knows I don’t compromise sleep for anyone).  Even after a long hard day of work and school, it was worth it to sit on the edge of my bed with ruffled hair and backs under my eyes, amazingly inspired by someone who just may be our next first lady. She spoke with such ease and passion. She seemed so calm, just like she was speaking to you and me. At times I forgot she was legitimately making a speech at the Democratic National Convention. I was just in awe by her and her entire family.

Even if you aren’t an Obama supporter, after listening to Michelle Obama, you have to admit that she has a way with words that just touches your heart. Maybe I’ll tune in to the rest of the convention now. Who knows, maybe there will be more moving speeches like the one above.

I sense real change is coming…

It dawned on me tonight that I have a bit of an obsession, well one of many I suppose.

Here I am around 1am [slightly inebriated] after a mildly successful party that my roommates put together and I’m up to my elbows in suds and pine sol, even though my roommates (who were too drunk to stand up straight) claimed they’d clean up their cluster of beer cans, dried puke, trash and other assortment of items left behind by our guests.

And I don’t mind cleaning up—I SHOULD mind, since of course, it was not my party [even though I knew all of those people], my beer [even though I drank half of one] or my puke [yep, I’m totally innocent there], but you know, I didn’t want to wait until 5pm TOMORROW for them to finally roll out of bed in their hung-over funks and decide to “do something about their mess”. By then, I’ll have lost my mind and well, we’d have more guests of the furry kind running around here.

So what is my obsession? It’s pretty clear to even Stevie Wonder that I am a clean freak!

I uphold a certain level of cleanlessness that borderlines OCD, but on the lighter side, my immune system is strong and I hardly get ever sick. I get legitimately sick (outside of allergies) about every two years for about three days (and I attribute that to cold weather and extreme exhaustion). Everything from my hair, my face, limbs, room, car, desk, office, you name it, I’ll probably clean it frequently just to feel some sense of sanity in my hectic life.

I also hate to feel dirty. I have to shower daily [sometimes twice depending upon what the day entails, Mexico almost saw a three shower day!]. I know people who may get around to showering once or twice a week…three times if it’s a special week. I’m sorry… it is too hot in the south to neglect too many showers, particularly in the summer months. I even have this girly obsession with smelling nice (I get that from my father, who always has to smell like he just put on cologne). I don’t often admit to all of these feminine qualities (because I’d much rather be watching football than The Hills, but these are things I cannot hide).

I suppose this all also stems from my upbringing. Why, I come from a clean freak. My own mother is just about as germ phobic as they come. She’s that woman you’ll see in public places touching things with a tissue over her hand or spraying down hotel beds with Lysol, or even obsessively washing her hands so much that they become chapped.

Not to say that my mother is crazy, why in fact she is highly intelligent, because she too never gets sick. Perhaps there is a correlation to this being clean situation. Anyway, as I grew up I guess I started to mimic her habits and here I am today, yet another hand-washing fanatic. It’s gotten so bad that my mother and I will make special Saturday trips to the mall just to visit our 2^nd favorite store (Bath ‘n Body Works), to load up on hand sanitizer. You see, this is a great wonder. This magic in a bottle can be used for times when water and soap are just not available [like when we were in the jungles of Mexico—miles away from plumbing and electricity. Yep, that was that almost three shower day].

It wasn’t until we were in Mexico two weeks ago did we find out some disturbing news about our favorite friendly clean product. Apparently obsessive use of antibacterial hand soap traps germs in your hands and removes vital “Good” bacteria from your skin [http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/21/health/21cons.html]…this all coming from a guy speaking in broken English. Not that I don’t find his point valid, it’s just hard to break a “bad” habit. Besides if I believed everything that I saw on the internet or television, I’d probably be a paranoid freak who did nothing more than hide under my bed. The world’s a scary place, but not everyone has creditability these days. I’m still not sure I fully believe that entire story, perhaps obsessive use can up your chances of damaging your skin, but I doubt minor use will do you any harm, at least not as much as not washing your hands at all.

In fact I think it would do you some good. I’ll be damned if I’m going to go around places now without washing my hands or using antibacterial hand soap. Do you realize how dirty public places are? Do you realize how many people do not wash their hands after they take a crap, sneeze or even vomit and then touch door handles, car door handles, windows, walls, sinks, refrigerators, stair rails etc.? It completely grosses me out that someone could pass up something so vital, and yet these are probably the same people that are getting themselves sick with their own germs (and in some extreme cases those of us who do wash our hands) I won’t get into the techs of just how they get themselves sick—but let’s just say it’s a continuous full circle. It makes me cringe! It’s enough to drive any sane person crazy just to think about all of the germs you spread simply by not washing your hands.

So to my two roommates [who are guys] that were so confused by my random burst of energy to clean up our apartment, please just let me be. Just let me get it out of my system so I can sleep soundly. And while you’re out at, please wash your hands.

Thanks.